How to break up nicely in 5 Easy Steps.

 

When you come to the end of the road after traveling together with a partner for so long, goodbyes have never been easy to say.

The difficulty to say goodbyes have caused many to quietly withdraw. They suddenly cut off communication links with former loved ones and fade away with no reasons given. 

The sudden disappearance leaves the abandoned ex confused, heartbroken and wondering often, "What did I do wrong?"

But relationships don't have to end this way between two adults who one time seemed inseparable and were a source of strong support to each other. You can end a relationship without burning the bridge of friendship. 

So, how can you break up nicely with your partner? 

1. Be sure you really want to break up:

Be sure that it's what you really want. Some have broken up abruptly with someone, moved on to have other failed relationships and realizes later that the one they ended abruptly was their best. 

Breaking up and regretting later coule be avoided when you're absolutely sure that there's no future in it. 

When you're sure that you really want to quit, search for valid reasons before you sit down with your partner to have a discussion.

2. Know and be certain about the "why".

It's easier to sit down with your partner, have a communication and say good bye when you have valid reasons and are definite that they're  enough.

Before you give your reasons, it would be appropriate to state up front that at the end of the discussion, there wouldn't be a change of mind because you've crossed the bridge. Then go ahead and state your reasons, say goodbyes and walk away 

3. Walk away quickly.

When you're done talking, walk away quickly. Don't prolong the discussion; be emotionally detached and avoid a back and forth question and answer session. A prolonged session could stir up old feelings and rekindle the desire to stay together a little bit longer. 

Making the decision to stay together a bit longer may go against sound judgement made in the moment of clear headedness. So, it pays to walk quickly and beat the trap of 'the head leading the brain'.to regrets.

4. Don't look back;

When you walk away, avoid looking back to the terminated relationship too soon. 

Looking back may bring back fond memories, which could force you to seek one more meeting with the one you just broke up with. If you should have this meeting, you're going to lose your respect and the position of authority you had when you broke up.

5. Give 100 percent of your time and energy to what you really love:

After breaking up, give all your attention to what you really love. It's a great away to quickly forget about your ex and avoid making the mistake of going back to them.

There's another benefit of turning all your attention to the stuff you really love.  It's going to make you very curious about finding the ways to succeed at it and to also achieve every goal you set for yourself. 

In other words, you're going to stop giving excuses and you're going to be persistent.

Susan Sontag says, "Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It's all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager."

Love burns not the sixth sense ability

 

Love burns and turns the wise into a fool,

follow your heart but take your brain with you,

your brain is the ability of the sixth sense

that will save you from burning in hell.

What are your five biggest fears and why?

 

Is it the fear of death? 

Or are the fears of boredom, rejection, suffering and self confrontation hunting you?

If it’s the fear of death then you have nothing to fear because everyone will die.  For every living human being, the real purpose of life lies between the beginning and the end. Now what is this real purpose? 

The real purpose of life is not to live forever but to use the gift of life to do what you love and share your love with a world that never forgets worthy contributions. Chuck Palahniuk captures the purpose of life in the following words;

”We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever, but to create something that will.”

Set goals for yourself and go about working hard to achieve them. Be absorbed in your pursuits and when the fear of death occasionally sneaks up on you, find strength in George R.R.Martin’s words and push it aside;

“What do we say to the Lord of death? Not today.”

Are you afraid of boredom? You don’t need to be, you can create excitement for yourself everyday of your life, just by following your heart. The feeling of boredom usually comes from either doing what you don’t love or from being overwhelmed by loneliness.

You can overcome boredom and loneliness by doing just two things,

 Create exciting moments for yourself. Live life by your terms and make every minute count. Look forward to exciting moments you create and they would get you out of the bed every day. When you succeed at this, boredom loses its grip on you.

Another way to drive away boredom and loneliness is to make you into a great company to be with. This comes easily to the person that accepts who they are and are comfortable being who they are. Knowing how to belong to oneself is the antidote to loneliness. Michel de Montaigne puts it this way,

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.” 

Knowing how to belong to oneself is a useful tool for dealing with rejection. The proof of this is that thorough knowledge of your capabilities gives confidence to take on tough challenges. It’s also an encouragement giver in moments of failure and rejection. But if you don’t confront yourself, you would not know the truth about who you really are.

”A confrontation, most importantly one with ourselves, is what needs to take place in order for true awareness, change, and healing to occur.” - Kristina Smeriglio.

Now, should you be afraid of self confrontation? The answer is No! it’s only through self confrontation that you discover the awesome strength you have to overcome your biggest fears and live your dream life.

What is personal failure rate?

  

Personal failure arises when you fail to direct your control over resources and events to a successful end. It may be a result of carelessness at some point, error of judgment about something or someone, inadequate preparation and overconfidence in your abilities.

Personal failure is not produced by an external power or an uncontrollable event. What this means is that, you have the power to get a satisfactory result the next time

The next time you have to begin again, use the opportunity and the lessons learnt from the last failure to prepare adequately. The lessons should guide you away from carelessness and overconfidence.

 

“Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Henry Ford.

When you have the opportunity to begin again, focus on the task at hand and maintain the focus till the end. Keep every distraction out of your mind till you get to the end. 

Succeeding the next time is not guaranteed, but the good news is that the right attitude after every failure guarantees success. What is that right attitude?

The right attitude is, ’never stop trying.’  Personal failure is about you not doing right what you have the power to do right. As imperfect human beings, we face daily distractions; some of them could cause loss of focus. The consequence of loss of focus is failure to do the right thing at the right time.

Loss of focus disappears when the determination to succeed at what you really care about is at its strongest. So, if it’s something you really care about and you really desire to succeed at, you’re going to find the power to focus at some point. When this power is found, success is a matter of time.

The truth about personal success is, it’s achieved when the rate of personal failure is increased. The more you fail, recover and use the lessons learnt to try again, you become a better person. 

As you increase your rate of failure, you improve on your skills; you deepen your depth of understanding and toughen your endurance ability. And eventually, you're going to succeed, and when you do, you become a great teacher to you and to others.

Chris Hardwick says, 

“No human ever became interesting by not failing. The more you fail and recover and improve, the better you are as a person. Ever meet someone who’s always had everything work out for them with zero struggle? They usually have the depth of a puddle. Or they don’t exist.

 

Where can you find real treasures in life?

 

Where Can You Find Real Treasures”

Real treasures are found in places you’re less likely to search.

You would find real treasures when you choose to embark on the journey you have always avoided.

You would find real treasures when you walk the upward path which has signposts, written in strange tongues that take patience and perseverance to read and understand.

You have been missing real treasures because you have stuck to and still believe lies and illusions you were told from birth.

If you knew how much those lies accepted as truths have stopped you from living a happy life, you would begin now to ask tough questions and discover truths for yourself.

The best person to ask tough questions is you.  Real answers to your questions would be found in places where learning, your driver would lead you. 

Nothing is hidden from a mind that is willing to probe beyond the superficial and dive into the darkest depth, the home to the real light.

Learning is not always going to be fun but it will never cease to demystify mysteries and give peace to a persistent seeker of real treasures.

In specific terms, the journey to uncover real treasures is the search for self. Discovering one’s real self is discovering real treasures hidden within everyone. Knowing and accepting your real self, your real strengths and everything about you will open the door to real treasures within you. It’s this simple. Unfortunately, only very few accept their real self.

Most spend a life time staring directly at the sun but never in the mirror. Most spend a whole life time aping others and working hard to be the fake version of another person. In the process, they miss everything including real treasures in them. Your real treasures are within you.

***

I have been finding treasures in places I did not want to search. I have been hearing wisdom from tongues I did not want to listen. I have been finding beauty where I did not want to look. And I have learned so much from journeys I did not want to take. Forgive me, O Gracious One; for I have been closing my ears and eyes for too long. I have learned that miracles are only called miracles because they are often witnessed by only those who can see through all of life's illusions. I am ready to see what really exists on other side, what exists behind the blinds, and taste all the ugly fruit instead of all that looks right, plump and ripe. - Suzy Kassem, 

The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful.

 

How does a man make a difference in his home if he can’t show up for any big decisions?

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

 

This purpose is defeated when a man doesn’t show up for the big decisions. When he ceases to be useful, his presence in the home stops to give confidence and security to other members of the home,

Without the assurances of his security for others, his presence leaves no long lasting impact. This lack of impact is primarily demonstrated when a man repeatedly fails to provide financial security for the wife and the children when they really need one.

When this happens, they gradually cease to look up to him for financial support. Consequently, everybody at home gradually begins to see the man as a liability.

The failure to provide financial security for members of his home has a negative spillover effect. Almost everyone at home stops going to him for advice when they want to take a big decision. 

They stop going not because he may not have something of value to give but because he has habitually failed to prove his reliability by being a stable financial support. The man is abandoned.

To make his wife and children need him again, he must make a major difference in his life. He has to make the decision to take actions that should improve his self worth. Where does he begin?

He should begin by setting small goals. As a man, set small goals for yourself because if you don’t have one, you would be too comfortable to leave the rut. Bill Copeland says,

“The trouble with not having a goal is that you can spend your life running up and down the field and never score.”

 It’s a goal that makes all the difference in life. So set small ones now.

Be resilient and be persistent until you achieve your set goals. When you set goals and start pursuing them, life is not to get easier for you, you’re still going to fail now and then. But every time life knocks you down, draw inspiration from Steve Maraboli’s words,. 

“Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.” 

Resilience and persistence always win. And when you win, no matter how small you think it is, celebrate it

Celebrate little victories because small wins put something in the cup for you to drink and be energized to keep on going forward. Bill Watterson captures it perfectly,

“Small wins are still won, and the journey is more important than overnight success.”

The celebration of little victories is going to inspire you to keep on going from one milestone to another until you get members of your household to sit up, notice and be a part of your celebration. Then slowly but surely they begin to give you the opportunity to make the difference in their lives, as you have always wanted

In matters of love, should you follow your heart or your head?

Love has a home. Its home is in the heart.

Love can’t be described because no one can choose in advance, the time, the place and the one they love.  And no one in love has ever been able to wrap their head around the reasons they do the things they do for love sake. In love, everything just happens for no sensible reason.

Anyone in love, who stops at any point to use their head to try to find reasons to justify the feeling, always ends up finding faults and finding excuses not to continue loving. Then they quit!

So, love ends when it’s led by the head and blossoms when it’s led by the heart.