What is the best way to handle complicated relationship?

 Naturally, your love life is meant to be as simple as having someone to love completely and the person loves you back in equal proportion.

It's the completeness of a simple kind of love that raises the pillars of security, dependability and inner peace in a relationship. If this simplicity is missing in your love life, it means you are in a complicated relationship.

A complicated relationship rests on the foundation of uncertainty and insecurity. It produces absence of feelings of having a supportive and understanding partner. It may sometimes give the feeling that "It's better to be single than to be in a complicated relationship."

In a complicated relationship, the support base is eroded by your partner's refusal to remove 'buts' and show total commitment and also, by their refusal to share their attention, time, energy and love with anyone else except you. No total commitment by your partner means that you're definitely sharing them with someone else. It doesn't matter whether they admit it or not.

What matters is your decision. You may decide to continue to remain in a complicated relationship or you may decide to wait until a simple and uncomplicated relationship comes around  The decision you make may define your personality.

Some may decide to continue in complicated relationships with the belief that 'somehow' things would become okay. But few would choose to take their destiny in their hands and embark on the search for their own true love.

Whichever decision you make, you should know that you're the architect of your life.

Can you find your true self while in a relationship?

is self discovery possible in a relationship?

For the person on the unfovaroble side of an imbalanced relationship, self discovery is an uphill task.

A balanced relationship where partners share love, attention and support equally, self discovery is made easy 

As a victim of a lopsided toxic relationship, finding the time, space and energy to focus on the task of finding oneself is always going to be extremely difficult. A victim of a loveless relationship could only find their authentic self by reason of accidental awakening.

But for someone in a great relationship where good love flows, the process of self discovery is rarely accidental. It's often a conscious effort, borne out of a genuine support by one for the personal dreams and growth of another.

Whether your relationship supports your self discovery efforts or not, it's worth it, because the benefits are many.

 

So, make the commitment to understand the real you and your real worth. Because after you've discovered and accepted your real you, you would stop wasting time and resources in futile attempts to be like someone else. And you would also stop living your life the way that makes you unhappy but makes someone who doesn't care about you happy.

Understanding your real values opens the door to the discovery of your true talent. It is also the real driver of self motivation, which is the only form of consistent motivation that no one else can give to you.

This self knowledge and acceptance of real talent and self motivation make it easy to reach any lofty height you set for yourself. 

The awareness of this possibility waters the ground for a life of happiness and inner peace.

Yes, happiness and inner peace are found where self doubt and inner critic are replaced by self confidence and inner coach

The consistent feeling of happiness within, found upon acquiring self knowledge would pervade all aspects of your life including your relationships. 

Self discovery would make it easy for you to be honest with yourself and with others in any  relationship you find worthy of your trust and commitment. Then you would also come to understand that nothing that runs contrary to your real values is worth keeping, including toxic relationships 

How to break up nicely in 5 Easy Steps.

 

When you come to the end of the road after traveling together with a partner for so long, goodbyes have never been easy to say.

The difficulty to say goodbyes have caused many to quietly withdraw. They suddenly cut off communication links with former loved ones and fade away with no reasons given. 

The sudden disappearance leaves the abandoned ex confused, heartbroken and wondering often, "What did I do wrong?"

But relationships don't have to end this way between two adults who one time seemed inseparable and were a source of strong support to each other. You can end a relationship without burning the bridge of friendship. 

So, how can you break up nicely with your partner? 

1. Be sure you really want to break up:

Be sure that it's what you really want. Some have broken up abruptly with someone, moved on to have other failed relationships and realizes later that the one they ended abruptly was their best. 

Breaking up and regretting later coule be avoided when you're absolutely sure that there's no future in it. 

When you're sure that you really want to quit, search for valid reasons before you sit down with your partner to have a discussion.

2. Know and be certain about the "why".

It's easier to sit down with your partner, have a communication and say good bye when you have valid reasons and are definite that they're  enough.

Before you give your reasons, it would be appropriate to state up front that at the end of the discussion, there wouldn't be a change of mind because you've crossed the bridge. Then go ahead and state your reasons, say goodbyes and walk away 

3. Walk away quickly.

When you're done talking, walk away quickly. Don't prolong the discussion; be emotionally detached and avoid a back and forth question and answer session. A prolonged session could stir up old feelings and rekindle the desire to stay together a little bit longer. 

Making the decision to stay together a bit longer may go against sound judgement made in the moment of clear headedness. So, it pays to walk quickly and beat the trap of 'the head leading the brain'.to regrets.

4. Don't look back;

When you walk away, avoid looking back to the terminated relationship too soon. 

Looking back may bring back fond memories, which could force you to seek one more meeting with the one you just broke up with. If you should have this meeting, you're going to lose your respect and the position of authority you had when you broke up.

5. Give 100 percent of your time and energy to what you really love:

After breaking up, give all your attention to what you really love. It's a great away to quickly forget about your ex and avoid making the mistake of going back to them.

There's another benefit of turning all your attention to the stuff you really love.  It's going to make you very curious about finding the ways to succeed at it and to also achieve every goal you set for yourself. 

In other words, you're going to stop giving excuses and you're going to be persistent.

Susan Sontag says, "Do stuff. be clenched, curious. Not waiting for inspiration's shove or society's kiss on your forehead. Pay attention. It's all about paying attention. attention is vitality. It connects you with others. It makes you eager. stay eager."

How to manage relationship stress.

 

You spend quality time with your partner but you still feel feel lonely and not only that? What else? 

You've so much on your mind still you don't know or can't create the atmosphere to share with your partner and lighten the burden? Why? 

Because your partner seems to be adding to it with their demands, impatience and refusal to understand. You are stretched, almost bursting at the seams and the stress in your relationship, is squeezing the life out of you.

Now, you're thinking that if you could manage the stress in your relationship very well, then you just might be able to achieve a satisfactory level of stability in your life.

You may be right. Here are two basic ways to manage relationship stress.

1. Do this when your partner presses your anger button 

It's inescapable that your partner would sometimes do something in words and actions, not on purpose, to get you angry. 

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If you react naturally by being confrontational, like most of us would, you're going to be stressed out the more. It could lead to a fight that may not end soon.

The opposite reaction to the call-to-anger; being calm  should stop the approaching storm from escalating and adding to your feeling of stress. 

Sometimes you need to overlook and give others the feeling that they've won in order to have tour space to enjoy peace of mind.

2. Sometimes, choose to talk things over.

Whether it's about your own challenges in the office and at home, sharing your feelings and thoughts with your partner could relieve stress.

A word of caution, to have any meaningful discussion when you're stressed, create a conducive atmosphere for everyone first. 

Listen more and, seek to always see and understand your partner's perspective before you share your thoughts. 

Your thoughts should create out of everyone's divergent perspectives, a common ground.

This is why your ex wants you back.

At the beginning of the rains,

A sigh of relief welcomes its blessings,

Many days into the rains, overburdened by the wetness,

We wish for the sun and it appears;

The heat grows by the day and then becomes too intense to bear,

We pray and long for the rainy days to come and rescue us from the heat;

Haven’t we realized that we receive everything in its incompleteness?

The incompleteness is complemented by the generosity to give of oneself completely

to everything received in its incompleteness.

Talina was confused, she leaned her head over the sofa. She placed her finger on the screen of her mobile phone and made to call Charles but decided against it.

Charles’ phone number was the first on the call history list. The last call she just received was from him. It was the call that caused her to be in the confused state she was.

“Should I call him back and set up a meeting with him?” She asked herself as she ran fingers through her hair.

“…wouldn’t that be dangerous?” She sighed, in her heart, she could feel the urge to see Charles again begin to grow.

“No!” Talina screamed out loud, sat up, dropped the phone on the sofa and buried her face in her hands.

“I did nothing bad to him…everything was fine when he kicked me out of his life.” She muttered to herself and began to sob.

“I begged him not to end the relationship after what I had been through for him…” She trailed off as she her tears began to blur her vision.

Her phone rang. She picked it up and wiped away tears with the back of her hand, it was Michael. She allowed the phone to ring out.

“I will call him back.” She whispered.

Several months after Charles dumped her, she feared men, avoided them and doubted the existence of love. It was Michael that came along and gave her love, understanding and waited patiently for her to have the heart to get into another relationship.

Talina stood up and paced her living room as she wondered.

“Two years after breaking me heart, why would Charles be so desperate to have me back?”

Talina realized that his calls are becoming too frequent and Michael was beginning to be suspicious and apprehensive. She had told Michael about how her relationship with Charles ended. And she had also assured Michael of her total commitment to the relationship.

She couldn’t imagine herself hurting Michael. He supported her throughout what she believed, was the toughest period of her life yet. So, she believed she owed him her faithfulness.

She came to a stop, stared at the wall in front of her and said with finality, “Charles, I don’t want you back into my life. I will not allow you or anybody to walk in and walk out of my life any time they choose. I am in control of my life.”

She stared down at the cell phone in her hand and returned Michael’s call.

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Now, why does your ex want you back?

Your ex may want you back for the simple reason that they can’t get from someone else, that very invaluable thing you gave. You alone have what they never realized was very fundamental to their happiness when you were with them.

They now want you back not to give what you’re missing but to take what you alone can give. When an ex comes back to get back what only you can give them, it’s hard to know the level of significance of their willingness to treat you differently than they did the last time. Don’t forget they’re not back to give you what you’re missing. So accepting to go back is taking a shot in the dark.

Sometimes an ex may want you back for a long term, mutually beneficial relationship. The awareness that they have an almost zero chance of having someone else balance their life the way you did could be a wake-up-call. Your ex may become a trustworthy partner, a caring partner and a dependable partner when they have a second chance.

Giving a second chance to an ex, as mentioned earlier, is risky. The reason is, your ex may not have changed from that guy that broke your heart. They may come back only to take, take, give nothing back in return and make no commitments to build a stable long term relationship. So, what should you do when your ex wants you back?

If your ex shows up when you’re in a better relationship that’s giving you peace of mind and has a promising future, it’s wise to stay where you are. Stay where you are and resist the temptation to go back to your ex no matter how strong the desire to be with them again is. In a relationship, peace of mind is the most valuable benefit

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If you’re not in a relationship when your ex shows up at your door, you could them a second chance. Begin cautiously, test the water with your toes, dictate the pace and the direction. Your ex would not have any choice than to follow you.

Although a relationship is not a place for competition, still you hold all the aces when your ex shows up and wants you back.